A community striving to make solutions, reality.
The Motivation.
My little brother Cameron thought his only option was to take his own life at the age of 20. It completely turned my world upside down.
Cam woken by our new pup ‘Teddy’ Christmas morning
‘We can survive the worst tragedies by using the pain to honour our loved one’
J Shetty
Cameron wrote a song called 'Float-Away', the song epitomized his struggles and ways of coping before he died. A line in the lyrics to this day, rips my heart out of my chest. He sings;
‘..your friends step away, your family doesn’t understand, the simple tasks you have all day become impossible’
He was right I did not understand. Society in general does not understand this invisible internal unease which isn’t talked about despite so many of us feeling the same uncomfortable, anxious or unfulfilled feelings.
However, there are actions we can take which will loosen current tendencies within society which keeps us in a self destructive rut.
The stigma around mental health is slowly lifting, however, there is still a lot of work to be done. If we knew the depth of unhappiness our loved ones were suffering, of course, we would do everything in our power help.
We may judge someone as lazy or irrational, however, these can be signs that someone is really struggling. Once you begin to scratch the surface, there is a strong argument to suggest, that the majority of the acts of hate in society - are actually a cry for help.
We can help people remain more comfortable in their own skin. A better understanding of the physiology in the body under stress, alone, can assist. There is extensive evidence based research which can also be used more proactively!
The night before Cam took his life, we had one last night out, one last blow out together. It was TT week in the Isle of Man and there was a great festival atmosphere in a packed beer tent.
We had perfect weather, bands, fireworks and great company. It was a brilliant night full of laughs and terrible dance moves - mine, not his!
In a night club in the early hours of the morning, the tequilas caught up with me. I hugged Cam, told him I was heading home. Thanking him for a great night and the long overdue catch up. He looked at me with his wry smile, called me a ‘lightweight’ and we parted ways. Little did I know, that would be the last time I would hear his infectious giggle.
One last drink together. George, Cam and Karl
The following day I woke up to a knock at the door, my phone battery dead, I pulled myself out of bed towards the window. I could see my mother standing at the front of the house. I gingerly made my way downstairs hungover.
When I opened the door I could tell by the look on her face - something wasn’t right.
Not in a million years could I have imagined what she was about to say next - my little brother had taken his own life. I fell to my knees in my front garden, completely devastated and cried my eyes out hysterically. I refused to believe what my mother was telling me.
After some turbulent teenage years, Cameron had everything going for him. A great looking guy, good job, women, a nice motorbike, he constantly wore a big infectious grin on his face. He pulled off a unique style and personality of his own and was an absolute joy to be around.
He worked multiple jobs. One at a local bar where he would serve pints in between honing his singer song writing skills, during the ‘open-mic’ nights. Much to the amusement of the inspired locals.
Open mic night accompanied by Liam.
He was a popular guy, a gent and a talent on the guitar. Meanwhile in his own company, just him and his mind. He was clearly struggling with inner demons. The lyrics in his song ‘Float Away’ say;
‘I know these feelings from first hand, I know it can destroy your head’… ‘not only that it tears you from the inside, to the out’
Looking through his things we discovered a note book full of lyrics and self-help notes. They were clear attempts to ease his pain and suffering, he wrote:
Waking up.
5 seconds & move - win the 1st decision
30 seconds of achievements (complete 2 a day)
During the day.
achieve at least one matter before phone
lean into the positive of a negative thought & acknowledged & understand them
use that 5 second window to move from idea to action
stay confident, stay in the present moment NOTHING CHANGES THE PAST, ACT UPON THE FUTURE
no-one can push you to do these actions unless you act upon it yourself
make decisions from a 3rd party perspective
what would your 'mentor' do
learn what is best for you
get out of your head
change mindset
All great self help advice, some of which are stark reminders which help me through tough times.
Despite Cam’s courageous efforts to help himself it wasn't enough.
It breaks my heart to contemplate the level of pain and suffering he was experiencing. Yet despite this, he did not believe he could reach out and talk to the people around him. Even if he did I question, at the time, whether I would have had the awareness to listen without judgement. This is a cultural problem within society, which we can work at loosening.
Nothing I do now will bring my brother back, however, I am determined to ensure he has not died in vain.
In our society too many people suppress negative thoughts, emotions and accept daily chronic stress as ‘normal’. We accept a consistent sense of feeling pressure and being overwhelmed for long periods of time, as ‘normal’.
We are stuck in a belief system which is counter productive to achieving Wellbeing and realising our potential.
A collective effort could help change the current situation. I believe the first step is to make Wellbeing more of a priority within society. After all Wellbeing i.e. being comfortable, happy and healthy, is something we ALL strive for in life.
The answer is not to necessarily reduce the challenges we face in the modern world. The answer is to help each other understand the ways we can overcome those challenges - while maintaining Wellbeing.
We can learn more about ourselves and the practical ways we can use a process of elimination to find our very own healthy, sustainable life balance.
Life is too short.
One thing a situation like this teaches you is to not take ANYTHING for granted.
At every opportunity, tell the people closest to you, that you love them and that you are there for them.
Learn to be grateful for the simple moments with family and friends and enjoy life to the MAXIMUM.
Tragically within a mere twelve months of Cam’s passing, there were four other unfortunate victims of suicide. All within an eight mile radius of each other.
When you start to look into it, you begin to understand the situation is dire, not just locally, globally!
We have a duty to raise awareness, improve the situation where possible and be there for each other, in times of need.
After all, every decision we make in life - whether it is misguided or not - is made on the basis that it will improve our Wellbeing one way or another.
There is no argument about it, we are the best version of ourselves when we are NOT distracted by stress, anxiety, worry, or thoughts of what other people may think of us.
It is time to interject practical awareness within society, on how Wellbeing can be achieved sustainably.